State Report for July


On a Tuesday evening I find myself sat on a grey recliner, surrounded by plush pillows, fleece blankets and the white noise from the TV. in the warmth of a heated room and the presence of my housemates, I felt this sense of calm. and content.


Right about now marks a little over a month since the move into leafy Doncaster. 

In that span of time, I’ve found a regular route for walks and runs, a go-to shop for essentials, a market that I make a point to go to for bargain fruit and veg. In my bag is my ID badges for agency work and my usual site. Moreover, I am proud to report that I got a job that I wanted so badly. And it feels like my career is back on track and things are falling into place. I’ve settled into the comfort of afternoon walks with the girls and the dogs and evenings spent in one of the two lounges chatting and chilling while the sky goes dark and the surroundings quiet down. 


Currently Melbourne is in lockdown which means tight restrictions; Meanwhile restaurants and pubs have reopened in Wales and I see photos of former colleagues in summer dresses and social gatherings. For a brief moment I’m tempted to feel jealous but almost instantaneously I reel myself back to the present. 


Some days the hole in my heart feels more pronounced - a phenomenon I can only assume is common to majority of migrants. Or people who have left behind something or someone they loved dearly. Some days, my heart physically aches with longing for Alfie and with worry over my friends and family in Manila and the tyranny and chaos they are enduring. 


But honestly, most days I still wake up with a deep sense of gratitude. I’m thankful that I got back in time - before the international flights ceased and borders closed. That my family is safe and well and that I am back home. Most days , like this moment, I feel a wave of serenity despite acknowledging the turmoil the pandemic has brought to the world. And every day, I am grateful that I have a resilient mind and heart that enables me to experience this simple happiness in the thought that I am where I truly belong.




Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Quarantine diary - Day 13

Image
In a vacant promenade, under the white fluorescent lights, with the fresh breeze, I danced like no one was watching.  There were 3 sections cordoned off to facilitate social distancing whilst providing ample room to walk and stretch. Lady Gaga played in my ears and there I felt the urge to extend my arms and legs as far as they would allow me. I wondered how much space I could take up. So I started with what looked like warrior 3 poses then took it up a notch by shifting to dancers pose except my hands didn’t support my lower limbs. Gradually, I transitioned to taking the widest strides possible while letting my arms radiate to the side and sway. The past months have been the most excruciatingly painful time of my life. My heart ached every single day; some days I wondered if my ulcer had returned and I would take Omeprazole but would not find any relief. Sleeping used to be my escape and solace. But my mind was busy and scattered and even when I thought I wasn’t thinking,...
Read more

the pseudo-person

(for November 22) I dont usually converse through text with people I don't know or haven't met but for this particular person I made an exception. Honestly I felt weird replying to a person who was a somewhat stranger. I mean, sure he's the best friend of one of my good friends, but still, I don't like operating on those terms. But he made sense and surprisingly enough he didn't bore me and drove me off to sleep. By the time we'd been talking for over a week, I felt like I had a bogus friend, a figment of my imagination that resulted as a way for compensating my lack of college guy friends I could talk to on a regular basis. And I don't know. there's just this certain thrill spilling information to a pseudo stranger, or someone whom you haven't met. I mean, what harm could it possibly bring right. He was, i mean is, taking up psychology as his pre-medicine course. He told me that he had a 10hour week schedule. Upon learning this I felt like questioni...
Read more

So I gave slam poetry a go

When I was a girl I was filled with a mountain of fallacies and superstitions Mommy said she thought kissing a guy would lead to impregnation That her first kiss was at the altar, sealing God’s permission And so I went through teenage years hiding any sign I was a girl Binding my breasts with cloth so my femininity wouldn't unfurl The thought of being in a relationship would make me hurl My grandma said to ward off men I should wear a pearl They said That to men women owed their devotion Keep the house tidy , tend to chores, love without condition If my husband looks away, it's my duty to do whatever means to make him stay They preached my best strategy is to pray, pray and pray And hope he comes home at the end of the day That marriage should be girls primary aspiration And bearing a child was life's greatest fruition And divorce would inevitably lead to society's condemnation  If your child turned out to be gay, that just means he's gone astray...
Read more