Till Our Next Meeting

If one day I find the courage to love again, it will be someone as incredible as my dad. I realise it’s Fathers’ Day today in most countries including the Philippines. Almost as quickly, came this gentle wave of gratitude and blessedness for my own father and how he reared me and my siblings. (Mom, if you’re reading this, don’t be jealous. You know I love you equally and if you scroll down a bit you’ll see a poem I wrote for you. Dad doesn’t have one.)  Interestingly, the holiday came to conception after a daughter campaigned for it for years as a way to honor her single dad. It actually wasn’t nationally recognised in the US until 58 years after the first official Mothers’ Day.  My dad wasn’t a single dad though. (As marvellous as he is, he couldn’t have done it without my mom who called at least once a day and flew nearly 8000km every 4 months to see us. ) But dad had his hands full with us majority of the year and he was an all-a-rounder. He would wake up early to ...

  Determined to make this day way more productive than yesterday, I got up shortly after my eyes fully opened. I put the kettle on and while waiting for it to boil, I dove into meditation. Just 10 minutes to recalibrate myself and seek some clarity and direction for the day. Coffee, news, final edits, phone calls and before I knew it, lunch had arrived. But really, I couldn’t wait to get all these done so that I could have this moment where I could just write.  Writing has now become my therapy. I practically spent the whole day writing only interrupted  by toilet needs, quick bites, the usuals and a quick exercise. I spent the day figuring out how to answer Cam and Ella’s theory that our preferences in men/ dating are largely predetermined or influenced by our upbringing and worldview. I wrote a separate entry for that.  After a sumptuous Asian-inspired salad, I heard some loud, almost angry-sounding knocking on my door. I am this close to writing a formal co...

Today was the long-awaited day I get 15 minutes of fresh air and freedom!!! A good part of the morning was spent daydreaming on placed I’d like to travel to. Then I got my dose of healing through meditation and yoga. I proceeded to watch video essays (with extra enthusiasm).   The last hour leading up to this highly-coveted 15 minutes went by excruciatingly slowly. I kept myself occupied by reading “On The Road,” which is supposedly my favourite book but now I’m not so sure seeing a I dozed off twenty minutes into it. I woke up to a harsh knock on the door which signalled lunch delivery. I had half of this amazing Mediterranean salad - half because I wanted to save some for later. (It’s this thing that I do). Lunches are better than dinners at this particular hotel, or so I’ve noticed.  Before long, the clock struck 1330 and it was time. HALLELUIAH! After layering up and putting my shoes on, we proceeded to take the lift to the concierge. 'We' was me and Siddharthreddy, m...

A COVID19 Change Up. How the pandemic gave me clarity.  Thinking of titles for this little collection.  *Deep coma* It was 11 AM when I was finally able to keep my eyes open. Restavit saved the night and allowed me 12 hours of deep slumber. I felt a 40 percent groggy and 60 percent refreshed. But I hadn't slept over 4 hours in a month so altogether, it was good! Today was going to be a good one! I finally found the strength and focus to edit my resume and write a few cover letters. I’ve applied for 2 jobs! And I am very very keen on one particular job. It has been at least 120 hours since I’ve felt and breathed fresh air. And while I have managed to keep myself “busy,” I cannot deny the fact that that is the longest time I have gone without that vital source of chi. Or at least fresh source of chi. It has occurred to me however that you cannot fixate on this fact because you have absolutely no control over it or when they will grant you a fresh air break. And I keep remi...

June 10    A few pages to the left (I initially hand wrote these entries on my journal) and a few months ago, I wrote that I took comfort in the saying, “She’ll be apples.” It was another version of a reassurance that  "I will be okay." Because by that time, I will be more prepared to deal with the chaos that comes with my choice.  That time is technically now.  I arrived to the Pan Pacific hotel after more than 30 hours of transit from Newport to London to Doha then Melbourne. I had worn a tight-fitting mask and breathed artificial and condensed air for long hours. My carbon dioxide levels were probably high. As soon as we got off the plane, we were escorted to each step at the airport : submission of three documents we filled in on the plane, immigration, baggage collection, customs then straight to the bus.  I got to my 5-star hotel room, complete with a queen bed next to a king single bed donned with soft white sheets and plush pillows, a fancy b...