Be kind, live mindfully.

It's a wrap.

January : Despite my doubts and questions, I said yes and wore a sparkly rock (and ethically sourced from a Canadian mine) on my finger. Main takeaway - when someone asks you to spend the rest of your life with them and your first thought is, “What the fuck am I going to do?,” you shouldn’t just say yes.

February: I passed up a trip to Toronto (And I'm not usually one to pass on a chance to travel) to dive into Yoga teacher training. The course brought me deeper into my practice, grounded me in meditation and bathed me with clarity. I thought I was merely embarking on the next step to my decade-long dream of being a yoga teacher. Little did I know, those 100 hours would save my life and sanity. Then the UK went into lockdown. 

March: In the same way COVID swept through Europe, brought it to its knees, and caused the biggest shift in a century, a massive swell began to build up in my ocean and caused a shift. Quarantine number 1. And along with getting the sickest I’d ever been (not exaggerating), I also plummeted into the lowest mood I’d ever felt - so low I even considered seeing a psychologist. 

April & May: My emotions felt erratic (and I want to say much like the rhythm of the tides) except even that is more regular. The tsunami of a wave finally broke and crashed into me. Or I broke. And I finally admitted that my situation no longer aligned with who I truly was and wanted to be. 

I broke off the engagement and somehow, as if by grace, I found the courage to walk away from something I worked incredibly hard for, for years. 

June: It was fleeing and freeing. Someone told me only someone desperate or crazy would fly in the middle of the pandemic and I think they were right. In any case, I returned to Australia. Quarantine number 2. But wow, I made it back home. 

July: Questionable decisions. Reuniting with my sisters and gaining a sister. And was fortunate enough to land a great gig doing research. And then quarantine number 3. By now, I got the message: the world, we, needed to slow down. Quarantine proved to be an excellent opportunity to pause and recalibrate things.

August through October: I settled into the wabi sabi beauty of life in Melbourne. Restrictions meant many mundane moments but it also came with the gift of routine - waking up with the rising sun, meditating and doing yoga, going to work, coming home and taking the dogs for a walk, working out, having dinner and then either reading a book in my room or chilling with the girls on the couch. Also over time, my body and my mind got stronger.

November and December: As the weather turned warmer, restrictions also eased off and my spirit felt free. Days off were spent driving to the ocean or hiking a mountain or basking in the sun with a book. We were regaining a sense of normalcy. Latin dancing was back on. Of note, the penultimate month carried with it, a nice surprise that unfurled rather organically. It felt like an esoteric dance, minus the dancing. 

For me, spending majority of the year in back to back lockdowns was mentally tough. It meant being stripped away of the ability to escape (which I got used to doing on a very regular basis.) It came with the uncertainty of the ability to see my family. It translated to having to filter greetings. 

I’ve always believed that everything in the universe is connected. But this year, I learned the hard truth that in the midst of pain and adversity, I can be a very selfish person. (For someone whose core value is kindness, that was very difficult to reconcile.) But now, I truly truly understand the intersectionality of everything - because our lives are interwoven and bound to one another, my individual actions have repercussions that extend beyond my circle. I'd like to think that while we may not lead a life so great that monuments are erecter in our honour, nor books or songs written about us, a life well lived leaves an imprint on another life and etches a memory in space and time.

Simply, our lives create ripples that stretch out to the rest of humanity and the universe. 

And so I brave 2021 (not with newfound resolutions but) with the humble intent to be kind and live mindfully.