Quarantine diary - Day 12




If one day I find the courage to love again, it will be someone as incredible as my dad.


I realise it’s Fathers’ Day today in most countries including the Philippines. Almost as quickly, came this gentle wave of gratitude and blessedness for my own father and how he reared me and my siblings.

(Mom, if you’re reading this, don’t be jealous. You know I love you equally and if you scroll down a bit you’ll see a poem I wrote for you. Dad doesn’t have one.) 


Interestingly, the holiday came to conception after a daughter campaigned for it for years as a way to honor her single dad. It actually wasn’t nationally recognised in the US until 58 years after the first official Mothers’ Day. 


My dad wasn’t a single dad though. (As marvellous as he is, he couldn’t have done it without my mom who called at least once a day and flew nearly 8000km every 4 months to see us. ) But dad had his hands full with us majority of the year and he was an all-a-rounder. He would wake up early to serve breakfast or buy pandesal from the nearby shop. He drove us to school when we missed the bus because we were too slow to get ready. He would do an extra ride as well if we forgot our project or homework - and this happened more often than I’d like to admit. He tried to be as involved as he could - befriending our friends, teachers, other parents. It was cringe-worthy sometimes. 

Dad nursed us every time we were sick and lovingly prepared a delicious bowl of arrozcaldo. And he held my hand, literally and figuratively, when I cried through my first experience of loss. 


Most importantly, dad always encouraged me to find my truth and spread my wings. (While mom constantly gave me courage to do those things.) 


My dad has seen me through more downfalls than he should have. And I’m sure he would’ve liked to have “given me away” by now. But I’m glad that he himself reminded me that he and mom raised me well and that I deserve better. 


If one day I find the courage to love again, it will be someone with qualities like my dad - kind, patient, and willing to be and admit that he’s the one who loves more. 


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Quarantine diary - Day 13

Image
In a vacant promenade, under the white fluorescent lights, with the fresh breeze, I danced like no one was watching.  There were 3 sections cordoned off to facilitate social distancing whilst providing ample room to walk and stretch. Lady Gaga played in my ears and there I felt the urge to extend my arms and legs as far as they would allow me. I wondered how much space I could take up. So I started with what looked like warrior 3 poses then took it up a notch by shifting to dancers pose except my hands didn’t support my lower limbs. Gradually, I transitioned to taking the widest strides possible while letting my arms radiate to the side and sway. The past months have been the most excruciatingly painful time of my life. My heart ached every single day; some days I wondered if my ulcer had returned and I would take Omeprazole but would not find any relief. Sleeping used to be my escape and solace. But my mind was busy and scattered and even when I thought I wasn’t thinking,...
Read more

the pseudo-person

(for November 22) I dont usually converse through text with people I don't know or haven't met but for this particular person I made an exception. Honestly I felt weird replying to a person who was a somewhat stranger. I mean, sure he's the best friend of one of my good friends, but still, I don't like operating on those terms. But he made sense and surprisingly enough he didn't bore me and drove me off to sleep. By the time we'd been talking for over a week, I felt like I had a bogus friend, a figment of my imagination that resulted as a way for compensating my lack of college guy friends I could talk to on a regular basis. And I don't know. there's just this certain thrill spilling information to a pseudo stranger, or someone whom you haven't met. I mean, what harm could it possibly bring right. He was, i mean is, taking up psychology as his pre-medicine course. He told me that he had a 10hour week schedule. Upon learning this I felt like questioni...
Read more

So I gave slam poetry a go

When I was a girl I was filled with a mountain of fallacies and superstitions Mommy said she thought kissing a guy would lead to impregnation That her first kiss was at the altar, sealing God’s permission And so I went through teenage years hiding any sign I was a girl Binding my breasts with cloth so my femininity wouldn't unfurl The thought of being in a relationship would make me hurl My grandma said to ward off men I should wear a pearl They said That to men women owed their devotion Keep the house tidy , tend to chores, love without condition If my husband looks away, it's my duty to do whatever means to make him stay They preached my best strategy is to pray, pray and pray And hope he comes home at the end of the day That marriage should be girls primary aspiration And bearing a child was life's greatest fruition And divorce would inevitably lead to society's condemnation  If your child turned out to be gay, that just means he's gone astray...
Read more